Dowry And Me

A few days back, we had this discussion regarding dowry issues and how nowadays giving and receiving of dowry is being disguised as ‘a gift from the daughter’s parents’. It was pretty clear that though most of us opposed the idea of dowry, none of us were bothered with the ‘gifts’ our parents want to send us with. This, however, was another way of claiming dowry from the parents of the bride. Right away, I could recall a few familiar sentences which we come to hear almost everywhere in Indian marriages, be it the daily tv soaps or real life; “ hamaari toh koi maang nahi hai, baaki aap jo chaahe apni beti ko de sakte hain.”( We don’t have any demands, but you can gift your daughter whatever you wish to).


And when we read in between the lines, it becomes apparent that the groom’s family is trying to convey to the other party that we would be more than happy to receive anything from you but we are too civilized to call it dowry.

Many times I have even noticed that if the bride’s parents were not able to read between the line of the groom’s family and they send their daughter without any ‘gifts’ to her in-laws, the in-laws, disappointed on not receiving their much awaited gifts, humiliate the bride for being from such a ‘low-class’ family that her parents could not even give her a gift.

Although, I am a muslim and according to my religion we are not supposed to give and ask for dowry but there have been many instances in my own family where the groom’s family has demanded for dowry.

This bothered me a lot (given the fact that I was brought up with women empowerment speeches always echoing in my ears).So, this one fine day, I ask my parents that if the family I get married in asks for dowry, would they be willing to give dowry. I got a categorical no from my parents. And they got a content smile on my face as my response.